终于能睡了。。。
Happy Holiday...


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Stretching my ears hard..... To hear how frequent my Dad coughs at night...

But then again... What can I do....

Feeling so helpless.....


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White Lie

I lied to my mum... Told her I going to mayday concert with my friend...

Going alone. Looking forward and yet not looking forward.


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Labour Day. Public holiday.

Mum is going to concert. Dad is going mahjong. Kemp is going out with his
parents.

I am all alone tmr. Thought I could play badminton with Kemp tmr but then....

Everyone has their own activities tmr except for me....

:(


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Sunday. 又是个失眠夜。
今晚再加上头痛。。虽然吃了解药, 可头痛依然没消。。。

今天出去花了钱。。可心情还是没开心点。。。

逃避。。逃避。。只会逃避。
什么都做不好。。。


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Eye makeup!!!! All new....

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Friday....

Had a large caramel macchiato this morning.. Stomach was bloated and
churning throughout the day thereafter...

I guess too big a size.. too much for me.

TGIF. Learning to put on eyeliner.. I think I need to wake up super early
if I want to wear eyeliner to work....


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Durian puffs from Goodwood Park Hotel

After I finished washing the dishes, 3 were gone from the box....


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Negative thoughts and feelings, leave me alone!!!!!


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我一个人撑的好累。。真的好累。


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自我安慰

我希望有人会跟我说 "没事的。。你想太多了。。"

没事的。。。你想太多了。


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Stupid!

Stupid application. Stupid recommendations.

Arghh.. Dont tell me its another sleepless night...

!!@#/#/#^@^#&$&$*$($($($@*@(@)@)


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I tried to avoid... by all means.
I really try very hard.
But ...... my heart still beats very fast and feels sunken when I see.....

I cant afford to fall into depression now.
I cant afford to be in a bo chap attitude.


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看到妈妈走的那么辛苦, 我的心很痛。。。
不知道怎么帮她。。

听到爸爸每晚咳嗽。。我的心也很痛。。
不知道怎么办。。。

我只能每天回家陪他们吃饭。。帮忙做家务。。洗碗, 洗衣, 收衣, 抹地。。。真的不知道我还能做什么。。。。

觉得自己很没用。。。。没用!!!!


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Mum twisted her kneecap this morning...
Actually she already felt better... But that had to happen... And now
diffculty walking again... Sigh...

Just had her xray taken....
I was so worried when Dad called me and told me she had twisted her knee
and couldnt really walk... Haiz...


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人死了到低会去哪里?
无法找到答案。。。

心情还是起起伏伏的。。上上下下的。。
无法平静下来。。。
这样的我, 到底能维持多久?
我不知道。。。好辛苦。


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女人, 结婚前要好好打扮自己,为了吸引异性。
结婚后, 也要好好打扮自己, 为了留着老公的心。

好辛苦的女人。。。


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Mum and Dad went to see doctor yesterday. Mum for her kneecap. Dad for
his blocked nose.

Mum needs to get a x-ray on Thurs. Dad blocked nose better. But his cough
comes back again. Sigh...

Worried.. But dunno what I can do... I cant drive them to the doctor. I
cant make them feel better... And I still need them to take care and ferry
Kemp around....
Feels so Useless...


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Sundays nights.
失眠夜。


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Headache until I lost appetite.
Popped. Pain, please go away....


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Was emotional during the day.... But now I only want to say... Life is
fragile... Life is short....

我还是在等。。等他有一天会回来找我。
就算我把电话换了, 把电邮换了。。我还是抱着希望。


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I thought I could handle alone...
I thought I was independent...
I thought I was strong....

But I am not.....


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Everything is fated.

Just like he was fated to leave my ill fated life and enjoy the hugs and
kisses of another woman.....

He left me when things people in my family began falling apart....
Including himself.


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Sadded. There was no wind today. The kites couldnt stay up high in the
sky, no matter how fast u ran. The weather was super hot.

Came back. Realised Dad nose was blocked. Seems awful. The haze was
extremely bad today, could even smell the smoke in the office.

Realised that Dad and Mum quarelled. Sigh sigh sigh...

My legs were aching... Kneecap felt pain cos ran too much and abit
dislocated.. Felt tired..
Feeling tired. And yet came back to a not-so-happy house...

Whenever things go wrong in the house... I feel that things I have given up
seems wasted... Wasted my life for them and yet got nothing back....

Kite flying. Something I wanted to do with him but never got the chance....
Anyway its time to sleep.


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Hey!! TGIF!!

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Kite flying today!!


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Finally. Something I have always wanted to do.

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True

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I still misses him very much...


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No... I dont have a bad memory....
Selective memory.


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Hows your weekend?

I think I have been sick since Feb.... One after another.... Or am I
purposely worsening my health....?

They say your state of mind determines your health....

Its time again... To sleep....


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State of depression. Loses concentration. Loses interest in everything.
Life is meaningless. Does nothing but Stares into space.


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Worried about mum. Makes me sad seeing her like that... Worried...
Pessimistic... Thinks alot... Its Tearing me down....


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I shiver when I go to places that I have been with him. I am scared of
recalling. Recalling makes me slip into that depression state again....

Slipping.. Picking up... Slipping again... Picking up again..... On and off....


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Having headaches on alternate days..... Extreme....


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Reading makes me sleep.....


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过了今天, 没有心动的感觉, 没有冲动的感觉, 什么感觉都没有。。。

I realised this isnt the path I want to take... this path is not for me....


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家里的每一个人都在生病。。。
真是祸不单行。
Feeling so helpless....


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Coughing the whole night....
Not able to sleep....
Sigh :(


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Sundays. Always have difficulty falling asleep....
And then it will be a restless Monday and the same old story goes on....


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Headaches getting more and more frequent...
慢性自杀。 For faster relief...

Weekends routine. Wakes up at 10 plus. Watch tv till 1 plus. Eats
lunch. Nap or watch drama till 5 plus. Prepares to eat dinner. Watch
tv or drama until late night.
Every weekends is like that...

How about him? Must be happily dating...


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I miss KTV.
I need to recover my cough..


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死胖子! 抢了我的德士!!!!


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Insomnia is painful. Your brain just cant stop thinking.....

Cant even have a good night sleep....


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逃避现实是我的强项。


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Slept at 9 plus. Woke up at 11. To measure Kemp reading. Ate panadol
and medicine for my cough and sore throat.

And.. Cant really get to sleep now.
Panadol. Really my life saver. Makes me feel better and less painful.

If only panadol can make my brain stop thinking, I will love it even more.

I cant give up on Kemp. I have to make sure his quarterly average
reading at KK is good. It cant worsen anymore... Stressed. Nervous
whenever I measure his reading.

Who else is there if I breakdown... I cant even die in peace.


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Finally understood how they felt when they were coughing badly...

Sigh... I can actually cough till headache... But serves me right...
Cold drinks, chilli, chicken, yoghurt.... Keeps eating...


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担心完一个又一个。。
我好累

忙了一天, 我好累。


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Announcement of Results.

Kemp Medical checkup = Getting results.

What you have done for the last 3 months will be shown and reflected in
the results.

Nervous. Always nervous.
Its like taking exams too. Whether you know how to answer the doctor
determines if you really understand.

Sigh. Result 9.5. Still high. Still way higher than the normal 7s range.

I need to work hard.


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My neighbour's dad was cremated today.
生命就这样结束了。


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New Addiction - Caramel Macchiato

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I miss the potato chips supper night....


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Does he share food or drinks with her?
He said before, he minded sharing with other peoole... Except for me.


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