golf at orchid country club. it was a long one, with you, ys, ic and ls. ended at about 5 plus.

went for dinner at yishun. they.. ordered curry fishhead. but nobody touched the fish when it came... full of question marks in my head..

in e end, me, who din touch fish before, as in, im used to ppl picking out the fish (without bones) for me... had to do the work of picking out the fish for them.. just like a maid.. hahaha..

and it was a nice piece of work, i guess.. hahaha

he is back! finally back... i have waited long.

met for lunch after my driving lesson.. hmm, still the same old he..
我就是喜欢这样的你。。

walked through raffles city.. then to marina square.. finally settled at the hong kong cafe.

i missed the feeling. i liked the feeling.

it was a long lunch.. and i ended super late for work.. but it was okay.. only because it is him..

mixed feelings. i am feeling confused, lost.

happy.. but sad. happy at a fact. sad at a fact. i keep staring at my phone today, hoping that it will ring, with his name.

its almost the end of the day..

upset. heartbroken. my heart is aching..

tdy i realise.. somebody i trusted badly.. actually betrayed my trust..

a good man i always referred him to as.. my dad.

he borrowed money from me. saying that it was yong pa whom needed the money. even showed me the sms, from his phone.

tdy i was playing with ah boy's phone.. i saw that same sms, from the sent items to my dad's number.

i was blur.. confused.. then heartbroken cos i realised he was lying to me. he was lying. he was lying.

then again.. it was a lie.. a lie..
why did he do that?

e sadness.. felt familiar.
i had felt that 3 years ago... i confronted him and it ended up badly. was it a wrong step to confront? or maybe i should not confront.. maybe things would turn out the other way and probably happily ever after....

and so.. i decided to keep it in my heart and not let anybody know. afterall, he's my dad, my most respected father. i wont want any unhappiness.....

stressed. suffocated. over a guy i met. actually he's nice, but just too nice. until i feel uneasy.

suddenly i feel lost. dunno what i want.. a guy that is nice? but not too nice.. a guy thats bad? haiz.. i really dunno what i want.. i really dunno...

i totally cannot understand myself.. cannot understand what i want...

just a... thank you.

To My Family:

Thank you for bringing me up. Thank you for giving me everything I need. Thank you for the care, concern, love and family warmth that you have given me. Thank you dad for cooking dinner for me and ferrying me to places I need to go. Thank you mum for cooking soups for me. Thank you sister for teaching me to understand that there are different kinds of people in the world.

To My Best Friends:

Thank you for spending time to hang out with me. Thank you for understanding me so well that you can almost guess what is my next reaction, my next step and what I am thinking. Thank you for tolerating with my bad temper. Thank you for sharing things with me and allowing me to do the same too.


To My Very Good Friend Whom I feel most grateful to:

Knowing you was a blessing in disguise. You helped me through the bad times of my life. Your company, care, concern is somethings which I never knew I couldn't live without. Thank you for always willing to watch movies a second time just to accompany me. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for paying attention to my needs, my likes and dislikes. I may seem nonchalant towards all the things you have given me and all the things you do for me, but I know I owe you far too much and owe you a big sorry. Sorry. I never had the courage to allow a new person into my life, to allow someone to occupy the special space in my heart.

To My Very Good Friend Who is far away from me:

Knowing you again was one of the best things that happened to me. Although it was physically tired initially and emotionally tired subsequently, but it was never a chore to me. Sorry for making you feel a failure and upset for a period of time. I had never meant to make you upset. Thank you for spending time write replies to me even though it meant scarificing your sleep. Although we are far, but everything here reminds me of you. Especially the sky and the clouds. Remember the times we exchanged photos of clouds? A photo that you sent me still remains on my desktop.

To the Rest of them:

Thank you for coming into my life, leaving footsteps and memories for me, no matter how mild or how little. Thank you for teaching me things which I never would have know without you telling me.

I was angry.. Really angry..

Jus because of what some ppl said abt us, he guarded me like crazy...

I am really angry.. Not because i needed to rely on his help... Jus that.... Argh, i also dunno how to explain..... Sigh..

Its a long weekend again..

I slept.. I dreamt.. I dreamt of giving a hug to my 'teddy bear'.. Do you still rem you owe me a bear hug? I bet.. You forgotten abt it.. I really miss you alots..

"Will you be one of them?"
Lol.... :-)
But... No matter what happens in future, You will always be my very good friend whom I miss alots....