i had said.. i will never bring up the future unless he talks about it. and i will never initiate to talk abt the future anymore.

to think of it, i have gone to Bkk 3 times this year and will be going another 3 more times within this year. 6 times altogether in a year. how much have i spent on the air tickets and the spending in BKK? and to think of it, is it all worth it?

seriously speaking, we have been quarrelling frequently these days. over the future, over the things he can do now or cannot do now, over some different ideas and blah.. but our quarrels these days aren't like the quarrels in the past. in the past, i used to think so much over the quarrels and was insistent on reaching a compromise. but now, sometimes i just refuse to think or talk more abt it..

im tired. we quarrelled again yesterday. over his grouping. yes, over my most sensitive, my most-hated topic and his most-hated topic.
i had thought of not asking him abt it. wanted not to ask, not to know so that i wont be affected. but then.. stupid me, stupid mouth had to go and ask. i thought he would give me a more favourable position, at least having 2 guys, at least showing me that he has done his best. but no, the more i don't like, the more he does, grouping around girls, and him as the only guy around. as if going against my wishes.

argh! i hate all these. these are all school life. things that will only affect ppl schooling! i am already 28 years old. i am not schooling anymore. i do not want to be affected by all these. and i still have to be surrounded by his school life.
argh! i hate it!

he has no choice. he doesnt have a choice. he cannot do. nothing that he can do now. all these, i have heard alot of times... alot.

and i am getting tired of it..
i need to think of my future.

Hope he remembers whatever he has promised me. And not to break any. But I doubt so.
He always have excuses, reasons..
I really don't feel like tolerating anymore.