Shopped. Finally settled for a Nexus 7. But reached home. The tablet
could not be charged and thus not switched on...

Haiz... It was able to switch on when the guy showed me.. But not when
I got home... What luck....
:(


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Super pissed today. Kemp doctor appointment today. The mummy
appointment with the social worker for her annual financial review also today.

How did she know I didnt tell the social workers she is hearing
impaired?? How was I to know the social worker was on MC??
And how was I to know that she had to wait that long??? Even if she had
to wait, she had to wait! She is the one asking for welfare, begging.
If she is so smart and capable, then dont get the welfare! So you wont
have to wait!!

Stupid Fucker!!! Dont know anything just dont act smart!!!! If so
smart, take care of your son yourself!!!! Fucker.......!!!!!!!!

Be thankful I am doing all the shit... I dont deserve any scoldings...
Absolutely not from her....

Useless woman ... Just go and die please...


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Super pissed today. Kemp doctor appointment today. The mummy
appointment with the social worker for her annual financial review also today.

How did she know I didnt tell the social workers she is hearing
impaired?? How was I to know the social worker was on MC??
And how was I to know that she had to wait that long??? Even if she had
to wait, she had to wait! She is the one asking for welfare, begging.
If she is so smart and capable, then dont get the welfare! So you wont
have to wait!!

Stupid Fucker!!! Dont know anything just dont act smart!!!! If so
smart, take care of your son yourself!!!! Fucker.......!!!!!!!!

Be thankful I am doing all the shit... I dont deserve any scoldings...
Absolutely not from her....

Useless woman ... Just go and die please...


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Out with Shalley and group today.. Just met for dinner... Both Shalley
and Jawpin brought their kids along...

Felt distanced... Feel that I may be the only one left unattached...

Heard from Dad that Kemp was waiting for me till 11pm...

Now... the closest to me is only Kemp bah....

Trying very hard to fall asleep now... Haiz....


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和他交往，最开心应该就是他在我身边的时候吧。。。


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Retail therapy progress:-

Wanted to get a clutch bag... Thought I will get a branded one.. Combed
the branded shops but didnt see any I liked... In the end, saw one I
quite liked and it was cheap at 53 bucks... So I bought.

My only victory for today.

To be continued.....


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Poor Kemp. Had to accompany me shopping today... Walked from Orchard to
Somerset for dinner and back to Orchard again... Finally on the cab
home... Looking at him, he must be tired..... Legs must be aching, like
myself...

Actually other than him... There is nobody else to accompany me le...

Dunno to pity myself or him.... Lol..
他的感情是用金钱换来的。。。
感情与钱的关系。。。


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我带着什么心情去面对未来的人生呢？


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I need retail therapy.....


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Shouldnt be so greedy and drank the free latte.... Now stomach bloated
and not able to sleep..... Haiz.....


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Drank latte today.. Stomach bloated then diarrhoea... Met Nicole for
dinner... Finally knew what happened... Reached home at 12.30am... Cos
of the latte, I still do not feel sleepy now... Its late I should be
sleeping.....

Her bf was unhappy all these years... Accumulated and exploded... A
pity.... But it has all ended.

Dunno was I consoled her or she enlightened me....

Love..... Relationships....


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I should not do things just because everybody is doing it.... Right?


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Left office at 6.40pm... Slightly earlier...

Gets paranoid as I get older... A slight bump or slight pain makes me
think a lot... But... I must be thinking too much...

另一个空间。可以做你喜欢的事，见你想见的人。。这好吗？


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Left office at 730 today... Tiring day... Busy cleaning up my work...
And rushing out work... Work requests that was received early last week
but was not done... I was being rushed by customer today... It started
with it being non urgent but ended up urgent cos nobody did the
work.... Haiz...

***
女人没有爱情就是失败者。。


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就算你愿意相信我一次，我也不能相信我自己了。。。


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I am in no position to comment on his decision....

害怕一个人。。
如果不想付出，就别想有回报吧。。


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一度空间。
给不开心的人。。


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Legs and back aching after a few hours of shopping... Really old...


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Acts of service....


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后悔。我不知道。。

失去。我知道了。。

未来。原谅。朋友。
？？？？？？？？？


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Another time of rushing to toilet from outside... Haiz... Diarrhoea
again... Has happened for a few times already... Dunno what is
happening to me...


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Just heard that the uncle who often drove us to and fro Genting and KL
has passed away. We heard he got stroke when we were in Genting
recently... And then he passed away...

Upset.. Life can be very short and fragile... What is there to grieve
and be unhappy about?

I am not unhappy. Just nothing to be very happy about... But a lot of
things to be grateful about... Thank you god...


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世界末日后的第二天，你做了些什么？

是不是应该过新的生活？


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No matter how much I fight for myself, be it in work, family
obligations or in relationships, it doesnt seem to work...

Not sure if I am not good at talking or not convincing enough or just I
simply dont make any sense...

Now... I dont fight anymore. Lost the will to fight... Lost the will
to argue to win... Lost the win to defend myself.... Whatever people
want I give, even if it means losing myself, going out of my scope...
Whatever people want to think of me I agree...


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Loneliness for a few days wont kill... Loneliness for a lifetime wont
kill either....


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I hate this.
心情不好却没胃口吃。。


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No matter how much I sleep, its just not enough...


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自己被逼变的独立 ，而要求对方变得和自己一样独立，也是一种错

？.


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Maybe I am too independent for him.
He doesnt feel needed...


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我害怕一个人老。我害怕老了不能走了，没人陪我。我害怕老了，没人买吃的给我。我害怕。。。

Its me, me and me again...

He asked me to treat him just like I treat my family... I did... I
offered help and showed concern when he needs it ..

Humans are all selfish... Just like I am selfish... He also has the
right to shout for what he wants...

I cant give him much... And what I can give, it isnt good enough for him....

The world did not end today... It means I need to carry on my life...
It means I need to fulfill my obligations... It means I still need to
live on and survive for the needs of them


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Lost appetite....


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Raining heavily now....


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End of my block leave today. And maybe end of the world today...

At home now.. As if waiting for death..

Nothing I wish to do, Nothing more I wish to say, Before end of the
world... Life has become meaningless to me long ago.... Life is just
full of responsibilities obligations... Maybe this is what I owe them
in my past life.... Maybe I was naughty in my past life....

Love has become something very distanced... I am not looking for love
anymore....


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已经没有事情让自己很开心了。。
不希望自己不开心。。

或许大家健康我就开心了。。


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2012 coming to an end... Its the new year again....


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My block leave this year... Packed with cleaning house, preparing Kemp
for primary school.. Wanted to have rest... But seems no hope...

Haiz... will be busy until Sunday... Even a day of shopping on my own
seems difficult.... Haiz...


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I may be hard to accommodate....


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I am really glad that he will take the HTC one x+. I know he will like
the phone.... It is a great phone.. And it suits him cos the phone has
awesome camera and video features....


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懒人屎尿多。。

First day of leave at home... And I can't take it... Keep scolding
Kemp.... He's too pampered...


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I wish I could..... know how to drive manual car so that I can help my
Dad drive and do delivery....

I feel so useless.....


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I think I have eaten too much panadol recently....
My right arm suddenly feels no strength...
Haiz.... so many things recently....


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Feeling strange...
I only have to work one more day then I will be on block leave....

Finally can rest.... I wish I would get better.... Please....


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Toothache.. Still pain.. Gums swollen... The medicine seems not
working... Is it because she gave me the not so strong ones cos I said
it wasn't that pain yesterday?

I hope so..... And also hope its not something serious...


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Sleepy.. Yesterday woke up at about 12 plus... Went toilet poo... Maybe I ate too much bananas... Then I felt hungry... Stomach empty... So I ate some food... And I couldn't sleep thereafter...

Today tahan le for a day... Now super tired...

Today kids at work at DBS... Told Kemp very early and that got friends will play bey blades with him... He was so looking forward... And so I know I couldn't put him aeroplane....

If I had left early... He would have little time to play with the friends....

At least the day ended... And he had enjoyed himself....

I cannot imagine I am actually here now.... I hate the sound.... I hate it.....

:(

I think I not having good quality sleep these days....

Haiz.....

People get more paranoid as they grow older....

Having trouble digesting my dinner....

Ice cream and cream pasta....

Dad always fix Kemp toys... Without him we will be at a loss...

He fix breakfast for us... He cooks dinner for us.... He drives us around.... He is my support..

Dad and mum is coming home soon... Kemp is happy... So am I...

I just want them to be healthy and happy..... I can give up anything for that....

I only need them....

Hungry but no appetite...

Sick... The feeling is back again.....

I am tired. Seriously tired. Tired of being worried about my family members. Tired of being scared. Tired of tightening my belts to make no family happy and to fulfill obligations. Tired of the stress and guilt. Tired of explaining as if talking to a kid.. Tired.... Really tired....

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.... I wish I don't have to face him face everything.....

Life is so meaningless....