God determines who walks inTo your life. It is up to you to decide who
you let go, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.


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已经看清事实，可是还是放不下。

Even if given another chance, I will still not get what I need and he
doesn't gets what he wants...

Even if my life seems uncertain and uninteresting going forward, life
still goes on, if not for myself, for people who still needs me.


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No updates to his blog... I think he is trying very hard to forget me....


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I miss you. But I need you by my side.

I lost my motivation of working hard now. Dunno what I can look forward
in future.


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Dad gave the wrong injection dosage to Kemp this morning...

Sigh... I am feeling.... Very alone.


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Back to bringing work from office.. Back to working now...

Just scolded Kemp. He wanted to buy bey blade. I found an online store. I thought it was cheap, so asked him to look through the bey blades to see if he had any that he wanted to buy.. In the end, I found the bey blades to be pretty expensive (including the airmail charges) and that it was in USD. So I told him it was too expensive.. He was pretty upset thereafter. And he cried but quietly. I flared at him cos I really hated him crying over small things like that. And then I kept scolding. Which kid has got a new toy almost every week? Damn.. I scolded and then said that he can forget about going out during the weekends... He said sorry. But I was still angry. I could not give in. It meant breaking my words and he would not be taught a lesson... Sigh... Dont really know what to do now.. To give in or not. Yes, I pamper him, dote on him very much. I didnt want him to feel shortchanged. Didnt want him to feel more unfortunate than other kids. I mean, he is already more unfortunate than other kids.. I dont want him to feel more... Am I wrong? Am I wrong in scolding him or even pampering him? I dont know... I need help... I hope there is someone beside me, to help me teach him, to help teach him, to help explain things to him, to help answer some questions that I dont know how to answer him, to help talk things out with me.. To....do a lot more other things.... If crying can solve things, I also want to cry... cry badly.

There is no such thing as coincidence... everything happens for a reason.

My favourite phrase: everything happens for a reason.


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Suddenly feel lonely. No one to share the happiness I had this morning,
the relief I felt after this morning's appraisal, the sleepiness I felt
after lunch, the stress I had this afternoon, and the tiredness now.....


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Left office at 8... Tired... Had my appraisal this morning... Guess
next step is waiting for my letter bah...

好累。好想讲话。。可是没有人。
好想有人关心我，心疼我。。可是没有人。


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It is working!! Yeah happy!! Kemp with no supper last night, woke up
with a reading of 11.9!!

Great!! I am happy.... Jiayou my dear boy... Lets make it work together...


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10 years in the same office, same job. Actually I dont feel bored..
When I feel sick and tired, I will rearrange my stuff on my table or
clean my table.... At times, I will rearrange my notes or rewrite it
nicely so that I can strive to do my work even better....

Maybe I did not think of quitting maybe I really need this job...
Or Maybe I am devoted to my job...

I am a devoted lover too.


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Excited?!?

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Working hard.... working hard in the office as well as monitoring and
controlling Kemp readings....

加油吧。。。。。


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Singapore has a City Square Mall at Farrer Park MRT station and it has
Dairy Queen...

I wish to make a will and hope you will help me to be the guardian....


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The nurse asked me to increase his pre dinner dosage... Hopefully it
will work.... Prays hard.


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我累了。不想主动和努力了。

一个人应该没事的。。。


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我累了。。好累。。。


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我的爱情，是我主动和努力得来的。

如果没有我的主动和努力，就没有爱情。

Love closes on me when I close my door....


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我相信，如果我们没有分隔两地，我们会是幸福开心的。


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Have to monitor Kemp... control his food intake... teach him about his
condition ... But at the same time, I cannot make him feel
shortchanged, cannot make him feel that he is less fortunate than other
kids, cannot make him feel different from other kids, cannot make him
feel disadvantaged...

Difficult task....


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大家似乎都有个人可以ask advice from... 不管是男朋友，老公，爸妈，姐姐，哥哥，亲戚。。。

可是为什么我却连一个都没有。。。

Helpless when I need help....


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I know why City Square Mall reminds me of Bangkok... It has Dairy Queen ice cream...

Waiting for the HTC Butterfly...


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Feels like going JB buy chinese new year goodies... But dont think my
kneecaps can afford to.....

Life is already meaningless..... Life is even more meaningless when you
dont have appetite for food or dont dare to eat for fear of toothache
and gums swollen....

:-(


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That someone... Needs to share the spending on my family too....


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Am at the new city square mall at Farrer Park MRT station ... Dunno why
somehow it reminds me of the shopping centres in Bangkok... Maybe of
the little crowd and spaciousness .....

Feeling very tired... Slept at 2 plus yesterday... Woke up at 6 to
measure Kemp readings.. Took a while before going back to sleep... Woke
up at 10 plus...

That someone also has to help me or accompany me stay up late just
because have to measure Kemp readings.... That someone has so much
things to do.... Lol...


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今晚要开夜车了。。。

A bit disappointed, a bit upset that Kemp readings is not improving...
Weird high readings... Not really knowing why.... Haiz.... Really very
sian that things are not improving, not knowing what to do next.... And
finally worried about Kemp if he remains high...... Sigh.....


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Was angry at Kemp yesterday for eating too much during recess....

Today he didnt dare to eat too much during recess and he shouted damn
hungry when he reached home from school.... He said he didnt dare eat
too much for fear of me scolding....

Haiz.... Please talk to him..... Tired.....


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Panadol... 慢性自杀。

***
"I feel happy because I feel loved"


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A full week... But days pass fast...
Friday tmr... Looking forward to my break on weekends...
***
Someone....
To share my stress with....
Being alone making decisions makes me stressed... If someone could help
me make decisions it would relieve my stress....


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Kemp complains of headache these 2 days.... Worried.... Haiz...


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Someone.....

1. Accompany me to Kemp doctor visits, understands what the nurse and
doctor says about the different insulin medicine, its effects, its
impact on the sugar readings, and helps me monitor and analyse the
dosage to fit Kemp needs thereafter

2. Helps me find and decides on places to eat or go out with my family

3. Helps me find and decides on travelling places that we could go
together with my family

4. Have the patience to help me teach Kemp homework or decides on good
tuition classes for him

5. Just be around when I need help
现在的我，一个人分析和决定所有的事情，好压力。。。好累。。
I need help......


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Regrets regrets regrets....
Seems to be walking the wrong way.... As far as I can remember my life,
its full of regrets....


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Feels terrible.... Wondering why my tooth aches and my gums swollen
again.... Haiz.....


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Singapore.... not really a good place to live in and retire....

If I had a chance to grow old... how will my life be and where will I be?


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Retrenchment.... Dread to hear that.....


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Shared my monitored readings with the nurse.. She gave me a call this
morning... Suggested a new regime.... Trying out tmr... Hope it
works.... Bring down Kemp readings....


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Cheeks red.... Tooth aches.... Again and again and again.....
Haiz....


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A new week. A full week. The day will be good!
加油！
↖(^ω^)↗


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终于收工了。。
Tough measuring readings at night and in the dark.... Can only rely on
my handphone light....


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I have to wait till 2am then can sleep.... Need to measure Kemp
reading..... Lucky not really sleepy... But abit bored cos there isnt
any good shows on TV on Saturdays....


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不结婚，不生孩子，是罪？


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My temper is very bad when I teach... Haiz.... I cannot teach... Why
give me the stress? Haiz...

Really dont feel like going later... Really sian... Waste of my time....


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Happy Birthday Dad!!
May you be healthy and happy always!!

Always the greatest person in my heart... :)


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Welcome to Primary 1!!!

I hope Kemp enjoys his school life... Enjoy my dear boy... Have fun
playing with your classmates and learning new things...


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I actually fell deep asleep on the mrt... Haiz...

Been waking up feeling tired and sleepy these days.... And still
feeling tired and sleepy throughout the day... Dunno whats wrong...
Maybe maybe lack of exercise...


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Pizza.. Carbonara.. Baked rice... Garlic bread... Now stomachache...
Waiting to LS bah...


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Happy Birthday Mummy!

Bought a cake from City Hall and ordered pizza for dinner... Sang song
blew candle and cut cake... Cos its her 60 years old...

Happy birthday! May you be healthy and happy always!!!


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Kemp average reading taken at his doctor appointment increases... cos
of the high morning readings...
Need to really monitor his midnight and dawn readings.... Haiz... Need
to wake up...

Feel so tired... My life is all about that... Not knowing if there will
be any returns... Not sure if Kemp grow up and Will take care of me...
He may just walk out on me... And me all alone.

No thanks received its okay. But no appreciation.. thats it. Too
much... I cannot take that...

Control life and not let life control... Sounds so easy yet.....
我已经被绑手绑脚了。。This had to come out from someone who supposedly understand
me best...
Contradictions.


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