Cried in the bathroom just now.  

Been scolding Kemp ever since this year started.  This year really started bad.  My health went haywire.. My work piled up and got messy.. Emails shooting from everywhere towards me. 

Kids.  Really difficult to teach.  Already hard to teach now that he is in P4.  How to teach when he gets older?  Super defensive.  Talks back.  Refuse to admit mistakes. And worse thing is, dunno if he is lying about certain things. 

And whenever I scold, my dad gives that kind of "can give me peace times or not" look.  Like I shouldnt scold? 

My mum?  Sides with Kemp, tries to stop the arguments when I scold.  But Kemp also dont respect her much?! 

I have to teach Kemp yet I am like the baddy when I scream and shout at him. I am like the one making trouble and noise in the house.  I am the one who is getting crazy and giving nonsense in the house. 

He is not even my kid. I am not even married.  Why am I going through all these shit?!  And his stupid mum?? Didnt even come celebrate his birthday with him! Excuse was they had to stay home to look after Keane!  Stupid excuse!  As if we stayed in Jurong and they stayed in Pasir Ris??  Super irritating! 

My fucking miserable life. I have to take care of my parents, worried when they are sick or pain anywhere, paying attention that they eat and exercise. Worried about my dad when he goes out to work, at his age, still have to do deliveries and endure the sun and rain outside. 

And with all these, still have to help look after Kemp, his studies, his attitude, his glucose readings. 

What the hell. So sick and tired that I dont see any need in staying alive. Reason why I am still alive now is because I still need to take care of my parents.  Once that is not needed anymore, I think I can jolly well be gone too.