At home now.. Updating my diary... And will be doing some VC stuff later...

Yesterday on our way home, we were chatting... Talking about how we started off in VC, and the progress of VC until now...

What was said about myself is correct... Won't deny or try to find excuses for myself.... Yes, I have not been putting much effort into VC. I have been slacking alot... Be it for VC or at work.

I have been trying to find out what exactly makes me happy... Exactly doing what will make me happy? In the past, whether or not I like or dislike, it does not matter to me, as long as I am assigned to it, I will put in my best efforts....

Just like studying for my part time degree, I wanted to study psychology in the first place, but somehow, during the decision making process, I decided to study a business degree... And I started, and now I finished it.

Business degree was not something I planned out of my life.. It was not in my planning list at all. But where did I find that determination to finish it?

And now, where has my determination gone to? Do it and it will be over and done with......

Since when I have changed to the present kind of person? I do not like... I really do not like..

Many a times, I tried to pick myself up, tried telling myself "Get Up! Do it! Jia You!"

Feeling so stressed.. Alot of things that I have to learn for the new business idea.. Have to think of new ways to compete for VC..

Sometimes I wonder, do we have to make ourselves so stressed up? Life is so short, can't we just work and play only? Going to work every weekday, playing on weekends, isn't that good?

Okay, I know I sound demoralising now... But I really wonder at times... I am not ambitous I know it myself.. Even if I sounded ambitous at times or previously, I only want to make him jealous, make him regret dumping me, make him regret that he has lost someone much capable.

I know it is not any use now.... I know it is silly... But people do silly things at times right?

I did have a plan before.. When I was with him.. That is to change job once my bond is up, get married.. And have kids, just like what Yue liang's life is like.... Everything she does is for her family... Be it saving up or whatever things.. For her Le xuan, for her lawrence...

But now, I feel lost... Even a simple thing like changing jobs, I also dunno where to go to... Previously, I had decided to go to another bank, perhaps do priority banking, so that I still get a pay increment because I have banking experience.. But now, I keep asking, is banking the life for myself? Or do I want to switch to another industry? If yes, what kind of industry? Am I willing to accept a pay cut? Or rather, does my current expenses allow me to accept a pay cut? Sooo many things to consider... I don't just live for myself, I have to keep my parents in mind too when I am deciding such stuff....

Now, I am soo easily influenced.. Baking, psychology, hotel industry, sales, housing agents, priority banking.. Soo many people around me doing different things.... But I still dunno what exactly I want...

Yes, I am sitting here, waiting for things to happen, waiting for some inspiration.. Waiting for that light to brighten infront of me, telling me what to do... Then I don't have to think so much....

I know this shouldn't be the way... But I guess everyone's avoiding the things they don't wish to think over.. You have the right to avoid thinking about your love life, I also have the right to avoid thinking what I want in life bah.... We all know that avoidance isn't the way to solve things, but we still do it... Hahaha...

I really hope you can understand my situation... And why I am thinking of giving up instead of working harder to prove other people wrong....