23 / 24 Aug 2010

On half day mc today. We had aqua aerobics in the rain yest.. Didn't want to do in the rain but didn't want to skip.. So we went.. But ended up with a headache that caused me to have less than 3 hours of sleep...

I'm at a comfortable place now. A place where I always liked to go when I'm down.

I heard something yest. Somethings which I'll never never say it no matter how hopeless, how upset or how angry I am.. But I heard it yest.

Felt a feeling that was familiar. Remembered nothing about the previous day except for that. I had that feeling long time ago and I HATED that. I wished hard that the feeling would never come back to me. But it came back yest.

Now I feel I'm back to square one. Back to the girl then. Back to the zero confidence girl. Back to the zero worth girl. Back to the lonely girl..

This time's different.. Nobody's around and I'm alone.

Damage done.. It hurts both.



****
He's accommodating. He's tolerant of my lousy temper. He's been trying hard to be the best guy around me. He gives in to all demands. He changes himself. He asks me to go find other guys for company...

He does it for a lousy girl like me. I'm no good girl, in fact the worst girl you can find. Demanding, unreasonable, lousy temper, jealous easily, lousy character.. You could find almost all the bad things in me.

Why? Why should he be the one to handle me?

Maybe he has maxed out. Maybe I'm too stuborn. Maybe our fate is until here only... Maybe I'm destined to be alone.. Maybe I exaggerate things. Maybe not. I did felt my trust betrayed.. Maybe our thinkings are too different that he can't understand me and I can't understand him...

***
男的朋友：他不在乎你和其他的男生来往，他只觉得和你在一起开心就好，没有想也根本没有想到你们的将来。
男朋友：你要是和其他的男生在一起，他会吃醋，他会发脾气，他会不高兴，甚至想扁那个男生，他不愿意和其他人共同拥有你。