Tuesday, January 30, 2007

if you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

life's really short.
cherish your parents as they were the ones who brought you up.
cherish your friends as it is hard to find someone you can click with and maintain friendship with.
cherish the past as it had taught you something, be it good or bad.
cherish the present as it will become past the next minute.
and the future?

i wonder what will happen in 10 years time? can i imagine myself in the next 10 years? now is the turning point for me. its time for me to decide my future career path. do i want to stay and learn? do i want to leave and join another environment? i know deep down, i have one answer, but why is it that i cannot muster up my courage to just do it? what am i afraid of?
sleeping with someone too soon - your agenda is neediness. you want attention and are keen to please and you need to be valued and desired. you may also assume that if you give people what they want, they'll give it right back. you feel that physical affirmation from the opposite sex will raise your self-esteem.

having sex when you don't feel like it - your agenda is maintaining the relationship you're in. you have a tendency to be the caretaker of the relationship, the person who will do anything to make sure it endures even if it means ignoring your own anxieties and frustrations. this fear of asking for what you really want can be rooted in childhood particularly for woman who felt their father paid them little attention.

having sex to reward or punish your partner - your agenda is a need to feel in control. you are using sex as a bargaining tool. again this is probably rooted in childhood experience where you didn't feel you had the power to make your own decisions or express your own opinions. if you've always felt imposed upon, sexual bargaining feels like a way of taking power back.

being unfaithful - your agenda is avoidance. you have difficulty talking through issues in your relationship. you may feel hurt, abandoned, angry or bored but rather than owning up to these emotions you find it easier to sleep with someone else. it could also be that commitment scares you, so again you use sex to avoid communication.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

scanners VS divers

1) Do you find lots of different things "interesting" or "worthwhile"?
2) When you really understand how something works, where it fits and how to do it, do you lose interest in it?
3) Do you hate the expectation that there's only one answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
4) Do you find it more interesting to come up with new ideas or ways of doing things than to focus in on the details that actually make it happen?
5) Do you ever describe yourself as "dabbler"?
6) Do you find it almost impossible to answer the question, "What do you picture yourself doing in five years" in the singular?
7)Do you have a hard time choosing?
8) When you've understood how something works, would you rather share that knowledge with others than become a specialist in one aspect of it?
9) Did you have trouble picking topics for A-levels, your degree or which university you wanted to study at?
10) Did you have no trouble choosing a degree subject, but you didn't find yourself motivated to stick with that field after university?
11) Do you have a job that you can do well, but feel there's something more you haven't been able to identify?
12) Is the idea of doing the same things at your working life appalling to you? After even just a year or two, do you feel the itch to move on to something else?
13) Do family members often say "Oh, X just hasn't settled down yet. She's always trying something different. I wish she'd just work out what she's interested in and do it"?
14) Do you have lots of unfinished projects and yet happily move on to starting something new?
15) Do you distrust your own decision-making ability because you "definitely knew I wanted to be an X" but that didn't hold your interest - and then you "definitely knew I wanted to be Y" but you got tired of that too, and then...


If you have 1-5 "Yes" answers:-
You chart a steady course - While you enjoy change and learning, you like to keep key aspects of your life constant as you rotate others. Maybe you chose a career in your twenties that you've stuck with but you play with variety in other areas of your life - perhaps by always going somewhere different on holiday. If you sometimes feel stuck, ask yourself whether the stable elements of your life still satisfy you. Is it time to replace them or find a new way of doing them? For example, you might want to stay in the same career, but with a different employer.

If you have 6-10 "Yes" answers:-
You like to experiment - You love chopping and changing aspects of your life and learning new things. However you you may lose enthusiasm once you understand an activity or project. Consequently, you've had extensive but unrelated careers, for example, a marketing manager, an entrepreneur and an academic. You may also have thought that each of your previous careers was a false start or a mistake, because it didn't last 'forever'. Realise that they were worthwhile experiences that you've simply outgrown and learn how to reapply your skills and contacts elsewhere.

If you have 11-15 "Yes" answers:-
You are the ultimate generalist - You love change. You prefer the learning curve to the plateau and probably need to work on several things at once to feel alive. You wouldn't be surprised to find yourself learning a new language, joining a rock-climbing group or helping out at a charity akk within the next few months. If you find you're stretched too thinly, rotate your activities so you can still fit in those four evening pursuits a year, just not all at the same time. And if an activity palls once you have mastered it, take it to the next level - if you've had singing lessons, why not join a local choir?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

生日快乐。

happy birthday. for some reason, i had already forgotten initially. for some reason, i recalled it suddenly.

i had already given up the idea of giving him a birthday card or sending him email to wish him happy birthday.. but who have thought that things just happen, no reason nothing, it just happened..

11.30pm. i heard my phone ringing. saw the number, so familiar yet at that moment, i couldn't recall.. and then it stopped.. had vaguely remember that it might be his hse number but couldn't believe that he HAD called me so i went to check my address book.. YES, it was his hse number..

tried so hard to sleep again, kept telling myself that he had dialled the wrong number.. and yet he had to call again at 12.30am.. this time round, i picked up. i really thought he got things to tell me, thought he will tell me that he had missed me all this while, but then.. he asked for another person but not myself.. i told him wrong number and he put down the phone.

i heard his voice.. after so long
i missed him
a short conversation after so long

sigh. wanted to cry but no tears came out. but i lost sleep the whole night.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

never been on a plane before

went to yv's hse for treatment today.. sobs, she mentioned that i've put on weight.. SOBS!

she just came back from hk.. she told me that if i had ever planned to go hk, i could choose to stay in shenzhen instead of hk as accommodation and food there are much cheaper..

so tempted! when will i ever have the chance to go??

Sunday, January 21, 2007

guess what? i went to ikea and bought the swirvel chair! haha spent 200 bucks at ikea..

wanted to place it in my room.. but then my dad tried and he likes it, so he said to place it in the living room.. oh well.. ok lar, good things must be shared, isn't it?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

today is clarissa's one-month old celebration, baby girl of my cousin, cs and js.

went to their house for the celebration.. chatted with my cousins and took care of ah boy.. jp getting married in march, my same-age cousin.. just imagine! she is getting married whereas i am getting nowhere.. hahaha.. i can feel the stress and the looks from my aunties..

i sat on a swirvel chair in js's room.. wow so comfortable, made me so tempted to go and get one.. and they have a swing in the garden, soo comfortable.. you could just sit in the swing and see stars at night..

envy.. and js is a good father, good caretaker.. how i envy cs!

Friday, January 19, 2007

met up with my usual poly gang, sl, vin and aw. went vivo city for dinner, had western food and ice cream for dessert.. ho ho ho..

din really stay till too late cos sl wanted to go home early.. she's an early sleeper haha.. same as me.. but then when i am out with friends, i tend to want to stay late especially long-time-no-see friends..

but me had headache at the end, so i took cab with sl and i took panadol when i reached home..

i really want to go shopping now.. want to buy lots of clothes.. want to revamp my wardrobe.. hahaha..

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

彩虹!!!



Saturday, January 13, 2007

tidying my resume. yes, i am begining to look for jobs already, hehe.

the industry that i am going to go into determines my future fate, determines that i am going to stay in that industry for the rest of my life, so i am going to choose carefully.. lol

heard the lion dance, the drums.. i am missing my secondary school days. especially the dance troupe days. how i miss that! the saturdays' afternoon were all spent in school, in the assembly hall, or the canteen if the hall was occupied. sometimes if there was competitions or performances going on, we could spend the whole day training in school also.. we often got scolded by our instructor for poor performances and surprisingly, after the scolding, we often performed well, lol.. i really miss those days, u know?

but as we grow up, we learnt to accept the fact that when time passes, we often cannot chase them back... as much as we hope to

what exactly is life? that few years, that short period of time that we spent in earth, and what exactly happens when one passes away?

sometimes, i cannot sleep in the middle of the night because i am thinking of this question.. i am very scared, very scared of losing the things i have now, losing the things i cherish now..

how i hope that there is someone by my side now to share my sorrows, happiness or fears.. but there is nobody on my mind right now.. not chris anymore i know

-只要活着一天,就不能说遗憾。 如果没有梦想, 对身边的人有责任吧。。

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

病猫

everybody's sick.. mother, sister, kenneth, ah boy got diarrhoea.. me had it but earlier than them..

got real sick yest noon, after lunch.. felt super nausea after lunch and had little appetite for dinner.. guess what? i ate sprulina in the morning, supposed to be a supplement and yes i know after eating it, it has got some 调理 effects but i din know it was so strong...

i took half day yesterday cos mother wasn't feeling too well and I thought i take half day to help her take care of ah boy, but shitto, i fell sick myself..

and this morning was simply a nightmare.. i woke up, thought i din feel nausea anymore.. walked to the basin, wanting to brush my teeth.. then I felt dizzy, then my ears shut off, i couldn't hear anything from the surroundings.. then i had simply no strength to turn off the tap, i keep pressing down but the water kept on flowing.. for a few seconds, i wondered why, i thought there was something wrong with the tap, then i raised my head and saw myself in the mirror, gosh such a pale face..

after turning off the tap, i walked away from the basin, wanting to go sit down first before continuing washing my face.. the next thing i know, i was walking in a very not straight way and i sat down on the floor, closing my eyes.. then i felt my father's strong arms lifting me up and asking me "do u want to rest in my room or your room?"

i struggled to my room (of course with his help).. and i laid on my bed.. my mother applied ALOT of medicated oil on my head.. and I managed some consciousness...

we went to the doctor's.. both mother and myself seen the doctor.. the second time i felt dizzy again was at the doctor's when I had taken my medicine.. my face turned pale again and my father helped me to his van and then we finally reached home..

ate my medicine.. slept.

i felt better after i woke up.. ate some porridge and watched tv..

till now, i feel much better.. but i still have that nausea feeling (i really hope it will go away soon)...

what a day! it was awful, that kind of 晕的感觉.. where u feel like closing ur eyes and where ur ears shut off completely, as though there was alot of pressure on ur ears.. :-(

Saturday, January 06, 2007

看看身边谁对你好,想想什么才最重要。

first week of 2007! after the first two days of holiday, went back to work on a wednesday, work was okay.. getting abit free these few days after those hectic weeks of sending christmas cards, calendars and management diaries.

绝对superstar! my favourite, lesheng, is eliminated already.. :-( but then yes lar, i agree, he only has one way of singing, that is singing with sincerity and touching people's heart.. oh well

oh ya, yue liang is pregnant liao and isn't feeling too well recently.. i dunno if i got influenced by her, i also feel unwell.. hahaha.. but then i must learn to cope with it in order to lead a normal life, yes baby u can do it!

i decided to sign up for rollerblading, swimming and yoga classes.. yes, this is what i will do in the new year.. to live my life fully.

uhm.. yes, i will be fine-tuning my resume because i am preparing to send it out.. hehehe.. wish me luck!