I hoped he'll tell me... Trust me again, I'll never say that to you again....

Am I selfish? Am I half-hearted? I feel guilty to my parents.. I don't dare to tell them that I'm going BKK again. I don't even dare to tell them that I'll be spending a full 2 weeks there in Dec. I feel guilty. Super guilty. I didn't bring them overseas. Didn't bring them to play. Didn't bring them to enjoy themselves. What a daughter I am.
These are still.. Considered minor. But ask me not to feed them or ask them to be more thrifty? No.. I cannot do that. Sorry I really can't.

I try to make up to them. To my best possible efforts. Bring them out. Treat them sumptous dinner. That's all I can do now. I want to bring them on a trip. At least one. Finances and leave wise, I'm tight. Trying very hard not to touch too much into my savings now.. Trying. Keeping tight to my budget.

Almost half of my pay goes to giving my parents money, paying for some bills, family's monthly spending etc etc. And I still feel guilty for not paying the power supply and water bill. That is still paid by my dad...

I know.. Everything' done for me. But I am not alone. My parents are not as financially independent as other parents. And I'm not like others whose salary only needs to feed oneself and doesn't need to contribute to their family. I'm not.

My hands and legs are tied. Very few people can understand.. I don't blame anybody.

I don't need him to do anything for me. But just to understand my situation?
Am I finding excuses for myself? I don't know. But the idea came by and I brushed it off because I can never make myself to do it.. Leaving them, yes, provided that I know they are well provided for.....

And so.. What was my parents before I came out to work? My dad borrowed money. From his boss, from friends. To feed us. Small small amounts to get us through for the month...