I will go back to work tmr after a day of rest today. Work hard work hard work hard. Alot of things waiting for me...

I dont like the fact that he said he will wait but he didnt. Dont like the fact that he can be so selfish and so not understanding to ask to meet on a working day to talk things out when I am so busy and tired at the end of the day. Dont like the fact that he went to my parents to talk about us. Dont like the fact that he let my parents know about our stuff, let them feel guilty, let them be worried and upset about me.

MC

Had a bad headache yesterday night. Couldn't sleep. And I took MC today. To prevent myself from taking nap in the afternoon, I decide to go out. But I feel so tired.... Feel like going home to sleep.... :-(

Moody these days.. I suddenly miss him.. Miss the times that we were together.. Miss the times we went holiday together.. What actually did I dislike about him?

Kemp's Birthday Celebration

>

"If you dont know what you want in life.. You will regret it in future"

What do I really want in life?

Happy Birthday Kemp!

Swensens for Dinner. Awfully Chocolate cake as Kemp's birthday cake.

Happy Birthday Boy! May you stay healthy and happy always! We will be with you always...

This morning, Sean came over to our house to play.. Sean is the son of Lawrence, brother of my brother-in-law.

I realised that my dad loves the crowd.. Even though they were noisy and running and jumping around.. But he seems to enjoy it. Actually he enjoys being a grandpa isn't it?

My own decision will affect him isn't it? Or.. He will be really upset and worried about me if I do stay single? .... I started to have some thoughts..... And its making me have a headache now.

I feel like messaging him. But I dunno what to say.

Feeling unhappy and moody.
Dunno is it because I have missed my Mayday concert. Or is it because I am having my menses the first day. Or is it because I am feeling lonely.. Or just one of those days I feel like closing myself up and not bother about my family...

Yes.. I really enjoyed my kite flying yest.. And I suddenly thought that he may run even harder than me to get the kite fly up... And then I stopped thinking. Because I will never have the chance again. Because We have broke up. Because I have broke his heart badly. Because I have Made this choice. I am very sad whenever I think of this. Tears fill up my eyes but I refused to let it tear down my face.

I have broken the heart of the one who loves me badly, willing to give in to me.. But I have to remember that we cant really communicate...

"Good" Friday!

First time at kite flying today.. I enjoyed myself... Just kept trying to get the kite into the air and up into the sky.... Ran with the kite... Jumped high with the kite... Very fun.

Kite Flying @ Marina Barrage!

Kemp knows how to test his own blood sugar.. Yeay! I am happy for him.. First step taken.
:-)

Steamboat Buffet @ Bugis

Steamboat with the guys... Janice didn't join us today.. It felt like poly days.. But each of us with more problems than during poly days..

How time flies! We have known each other for 10 years...

I thought he went back yesterday. Instead I received a call from him just now. His home number. I had calls from that number twice. I picked up the 3rd time. He said that it is the last time he will call me, that he is leaving soon, that he will try to forget me, that he will try to treat me as a friend, asked me to talk to my parents more and blah.. I kept quiet throughout. After he said he had finished talking, I hanged up the phone.

Rude of me I guess. But I really disliked the things he did. Coming to my house, be pathetic infront of my parents, let my parents know everything, let them be upset and worried about me. At least for time being, it will be hard for me to forgive him.

I need to be free.

Lunch Buffet @ The Line

We had lunch at The Line @ Shangri La Hotel, in advance of Kemp's birthday next Sunday, 26 Feb.

And yes every year on his birthday, I will definitely treat him to the best because it is also the time I get my bonus... :-)

I hate him for making my Dad upset and worried over us. I hate him. If he had understood that I love my family so much, then he should not have made the ones I love upset especially over my personal things.

Pissed off. Damn pissed off. His behaviour made me hate him. I didnt really want to hate him. But he made me. Super childish. He better not come and find me again. I will scold him off, for sure.

We quarrelled on the 1st day he arrived.. He insisted on meeting me.. He wanted to meet me.. But I insisted on meeting the next day.. We quarrelled. I felt he couldn't understand what I said.... He still couldn't understand me.

The 2nd day we met for dinner.. He was quiet initially.. But towards the end, he opened up and was pretty casual..

The 3rd day. I asked him to come my house.. And we took Kemp to the Science Centre. He had to rush for his dinner date with his friends.. He suddenly gave me a hug.. I didn't know what to say... I didn't know what he wanted.. Most importantly I didn't know what I myself wanted....

Confused....

I dunno why I have not received his sms till now.... I am waiting... Not sure if he has arrived and doing what... Not sure when he will sms me.... Not sure if he is sincere in patching up... Wondering about alot of things....

I don't really know what he meant in his post... But somehow I feel disappointed.

I have been feeling sleepy and tired recently.... I slept but had dreams tired.. I slept early but don't have dreams also tired...

Wondering what is wrong with me..

Stomach's been acting strangely too these days...

Sigh...

He said he is happy... But I don't feel he is really happy.... Contradicting.

Change

Last night, I had diarrhoea twice and broke out in cold sweat once. Wanted to take MC today but I overslept till 7 plus couldn't sleep anymore and so woke up to prepare for work..

The past me would have went ahead with my MC... Why did I not do that? I guess I changed for the better... Did not want to break my no-mc for the year yet...

Although I am sick... Posted here... But nobody is gonna know about it and I will not gain any sympathy...

Posting in my blog is my hobby.. Not a channel to gain sympathy... I am sure of it now.

And I suddenly feel so upset... And feel that my heart feels dead.

I am disappointed once again...
How long can I do this for? I hate it when he don't reply me and yet I see him active somewhere (i.e FB).. When he don't reply I keep telling myself he is busy.... But when I see him active somewhere? Is he really busy?
........

Reason why I wan to give it a try again... I want to see if I really been giving very little in the past or not giving what he wanted.. If I gave more and gave him what he wanted this time round, would I really get what I want?

Diarrhoeas are getting frequent... Headaches are getting frequent... My memory getting worse... What is happening....

Try x 1

I asked him if he had dinner. He asked me how was Kemp. I said Kemp was okay and getting talkative these days. He gave me a smile. I dunno how to continue..

Relight Rule No 1: The pressure's on - so your ex is putting enormous pressure on you to get back together - phone calls, texts, wanting to wine and dine you - but you both have to want it. Yes, one of you may be the instigator, coaxing the other along, but it shouldn't take huge pressure to do so. If there's loads it's a sign that person desperately wants to control you and get you back under their thumb.

Relight Rule No 2: Only the lonely - are you tempted to try again because you're so lonely or feeling insecure and nobody else is ever going to want you? These are definitely bad reasons to try again. Going back to your ex full of insecurities will only compound your previous problems.

Relight Rule No 3: Honesty is the best policy - be honest with yourself and ask if the annoying issues that broke you up in the first place have changed. If in your heart you know these issues are still hanging over your heads this is a bad basis for getting back together. But if things have changed - eg, one of you used to party too much, causing rows, but now has calmed down - then you have a chance of it working.

Relight Rule No 4: Rose coloured specs - is hindsight playing tricks on you making you think your old relationship was actually pretty rosy? If this is the case think again. Take some time, close your eyes, and remember the last couple of arguments. The problems you two had will probably come flooding back - it might make you re-evaluate your desire to go back.

Relight Rule No 5: Take the blame - are you both ready to hold your hands up to the part you played in your relationship breaking up? If yes, that's an excellent sign that you realise it's a two-way street when relationships end. Use this new, responsible attitude that you both have to work out how you can do things differently.

Relight Rule No 6: Strangers in the night - did your relationship finish because of 'relationship drift', ie, you let things drift apart and became strangers. If you both recognise this you'll take more care a second time around and not take each other for granted.

Relight Rule No 7: Let's get physical - are you missing the hot sex you had with your ex? Often major relationship issues are ignored because fantastic sex can keep a couple together for a time. Having been apart for a while you might be missing that sexual compatibility you had and end up tempted to try again. If nothing else has changed, though, great sex won't make it work second time around.

Relight Rule No 8: Let's get practical - in discussing trying again have you both made suggestions of what might help make it work this time? It's all well and good thinking you can rekindle your love - and that love will conquer all - but it won't. As well as realising you still love each other, you both must think practically about what things you should do differently.

Relight Rule No 9: It's a whirlwind - do you both feel like rushing back into a full-on, living-together relationship? Think again - it's far better to rekindle things through a slow build-up, and to date again, rather than jumping in head first to a fully fledged relationship.

Relight Rule No 10: Proceed with caution - finally, are you getting back together for the sake of your children? Think long and hard. Of course your children would've taken your breakup badly. And maybe they're finding it hard to adjust to the status quo. But getting back together again without ensuring it's going to work will only make things worse for them. If you've considered all the above rules - and think you've got an excellent chance - then go for it.

Dunno why... I am starting to lose my appetite.....

I must be prepared. I will be prepared. I should be prepared......

Brought Kemp to the Doctor's.. Doc says he has a little asthma... Asthma?

..... Not sure if its due to his cough or...
Afraid to think further... I am scared.

Kemp is down with cough.. Mum is down with cough too, plus her asthma attacks..

Have to stay strong and stronger, Although I feel like isolating myself.. If I isolate myself, Dad will be the only person carrying on these burdens.. He will be so pathetic.. I have to be alive.

又有谁真正了解我的心情，我的处境？
突然好想大声的哭。。。

Retail Therapy.. To make myself feel happier...

This month's bill... A disaster.