Feeling weird... Haiz...

Dunno why. Started Coughing today.. Haiz.. Go away!!

Been feeling feverish these days, especially towards the end of the day.

Anyway not sleeping well these days. Keep thinking about work... Haiz....

Kemp is sick. Heaty till his ears pain... Cried and looked upset... Haiz I hate to see him like that....

Supposed to be a happy day in the house today... But my mum suddenly throw her temper.... Wonders why....

1 week to my birthday and 1.5 week to my Hong Kong trip. Yet.. I am feeling awful.. Stressed about the trip.. Stressed about work.. Awful about... everything. Yes, I have received the notification from ICA to change my NRIC. Yes, 30 years old... Somehow feels odd. Although I don't really look 30 years old, in my dressing.. But I can feel it.. In other ways... Anyway.. Half of my life passed. The remaining years, I really want to live it in my own way...

I want the best for him yet he wants the best for his family..

I am not the same as him as I can be as selfish as I want myself to be....

In the end..... I can't sleep....

Kemp is a strong boy.... I dote on him for being strong. But very often, we take it for granted and expects him to be strong... Too much of us.... How much can a six years old boy take?

I am worried that..... I may not be able to survive....

We didn't talk tonight.
Late... And... I wasn't really in the mood to talk about anything. Even if I'm online, I guess I will be quiet....
Busy busy and gonna be busy again...

I wonder and I wonder and I wonder again....

The feeling's back again... Haiz.... The feeling I hate most.....

We didn't talk tonight.
Late... And... I wasn't really in the mood to talk about anything. Even if I'm online, I guess I will be quiet....
Busy busy and gonna be busy again...

I wonder and I wonder and I wonder again....

The feeling's back again... Haiz.... The feeling I hate most.....

I have been online since 10.... And then I decide to sign off......

I ate panadol again....
I am reminded of the drama I watched this morning.... I think I may think that way too...

Unbalanced....

Dad bought Kemp a $12 animal Kaiser card. Expensive.... Dad really dotes on Kemp... Hopefully that boy will appreciate.....

Diarrhoea. After emptying my bowels, my stomach feels empty... And suddenly that nausea feeling came back.... Arghh I hate that feeling....

Headaches again...

Been haunted by either cough or headaches or stupid piles.... Haiz...

I'm glad that I didn't buy any shoe today.... Wanted to buy one to wear to my Hong Kong trip.... But decide not to....

And also decided.... To not change my phone to same as him.... Decided to stick to my current one....

Feasting to destress today. Curry chicken in the afternoon. Dian Xiao Er for dinner. Mango sago for dessert.

Yummy...
以毒攻毒。。

I hope 2012 is the end of the world. And I will be happy enough to spend the last days with him and to see the end of the world with him...

Suddenly recalled Kitty is getting married next year... Suddenly feels the pressure, the looks of everyone... The....

How hard it is to survive... I can't live it the way I want.....

不明白他喜欢我什么。。。

Received lawyer's letter yesterday. I have to start paying the housing loan. Getting a new house is indeed nice... But the thought of paying for the loan really sucks....

I can feel it.... Feel the load.... Haiz.. I hate liabilities... I want to be free... Of everything...

I suddenly recall the thought of his family.... It's another stressful thing....

Why did I bring so much stressful things to myself? All brought it upon myself.....

Emotional...

Emotional...

Met yp and Kitty for lunch yesterday. Yp was Coughing... And now I feel my cough is coming back... Haiz.... I need to self heal...

Headaches coming back again... Sigh... What exactly is wrong? The screen? The lights? Sigh.....

不喜欢这种感觉。。
不想说话了。。。

Dunno why... Stomach ache....

不平衡。

Tiring Sunday. Tmr gotto work... But it's a short week...

Kemp's really bad at Maths. Worried... And I don't really know how to teach.... Haiz...

Caught in the rain... Again.

Sharks no appetite for dinner..... I think my 老毛病发作... Haiz... I need to get out of it fast....

Save me!!

I finished my course at 345! Yeah!! Yipee!!!
It's Friday! The weekends....!!!

Trying very hard to cheer myself up..... Don't think too much!! Please be happy.... I need to get back my appetite.....

How are you feeling today?

Still tired.. But lucky it's Friday... I can drink bubble tea and watch tv till late today.. And it's the weekends!!!

Guess he will be busy and going on holiday soon... I will be alone, lonely... Used to it... And I promise not to flare up... Promise not to be too reliant on him... Promise promise promise..... I need to be independent.

How are you feeling today?

Still okay. Am on course these 2 days. Feels sleepy during the course... Actually I rather go to work...

Suddenly feels scared.... I may Be thinking too much... I need to monitor further... I hope it's the usual... Nothing new...

He is busy again... I may neglected again...

好想跟他拿一样的电话。

How are you today?

Stopped Coughing in the day.... But started Coughing in the night.... Haiz... And I think I spread to Dad and Kemp.... Haiz....

The most dreaded thing....

Walked from Amoy back to office during lunch time today.... Not that far Actually...

Not sure if it's the Med or ME... My hands feel soft.... My whole body feels soft... Wobbly... Maybe it's lack of GOOD sleep...

And people around me are so free to surf net.... Duh... When I am very busy rushing stuff.... When I am trying very hard to concentrate on my work.... Haiz...

What was lunch?

Fish soup with rice at Amoy...

How are you feeling today?

Coughed till 12 yesterday before I could sleep... Don't tell me the Med is not working... Duh...
I want to concentrate on my work... Working gives me better satisfaction...

没有希望就不会有期望。没有期望就不会失望。

Headaches.... Go away please.... Don't haunt me again......

Everything's back to normal.... Back to what it used to be....

逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。
逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。
逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。 逃避。发泄。

我不开心。

I envy my friends, whose updates are on FB...

Everytime I see their updates, I am really green with envy.....

Either travelling, enjoying their life, or getting better as days pass by.... I have such a monotonous life... Everything's same everyday.....

Really scared of my recurring headaches these days... Makes me feels there's something wrong.... Haiz....

My weekends over. He is still in hospital. He can't be discharged yet...

I really don't want him in hospital... I heard people say Actually the hospitals have lots of virus... Very often people die from complications and not from the condition they were admitted for....

That's the reason why I want him out of the hospital soon although I know he's getting lots of rest there.....

Anyway speedy recovery.......

Actually afraid to talk to him over serious issues.... Really scared...

Yes... I am avoiding.... Avoidance of problems... Procrastinating.....

Haiz.....

Happy when I knew that he could Skype with me today ... But it wasn't that long Co's he was drowsy.... And it wasn't that clear too....

难过。

He's not able to be discharged today... Haiz...
Sad....

真的很心痛他生病的样子。。。
:-(

I remembered there was a time I went to his blog and it was closed...

Dunno why I tried to go into his blog today... And I could see it again....

I am happy at the same time, worried... Afraid that we will quarrel... If everything is too similar to the past, I am scared that we will quarrel and end up like in the past.... We need to do something different... So that we won't end up like in the past.....

But Right now, I only hope he will recover fast....

I can be sick... I just don't want the people that I care about to be sick..... Please.... Let him recover.... Fast... I want him to be strong and good.... Please....

I am Actually more afraid of spreading the cough to my family members......
:-(

Having headache again.... Co's I didn't really sleep last night... Keeps Coughing.... Haiz.... Don't really like this....

Help!! I need sleep......

又咳了一个晚上。。
缺乏睡眠。。。

Xxxxx

Actually I can foresee a lot of problems between us.....

Darn.... I keep Coughing after eating Louise's Med.... Haiz.... How to sleep....

Sian.....

他也生病了。。大家都好脆弱。
希望我们都快点好起来。。。。

奇怪了。。还是在半夜起来咳。。？？？

奇怪了。。还是在半夜起来咳。。？？？

Somehow feels lost.......
Hope I can sleep peacefully tonight.....

Suddenly I am at a loss for words...... I want to be chirpy again.....

I have been popping Panadol......
:-(
:-(

家里还是需要一个男人。我家的电突然跳了。。没电了。幸好有我的爸爸。。。

Headaches headaches....
It may mean something serious.....

小病是福。。。

I want to bring Kemp to Lego Land...

Did you sleep well last night?

No... Was Coughing the whole night... Didn't really sleep... Wanted to Go back work today but really couldn't... Super tired..

人生短短几十年。自己开心最重要。如果自己不开心那生命就没意思了。。。

我想。。。可能我们太勉强了。。。

How's your day?

I woke up bathed and got ready for work. Suddenly felt weak. Decided not to go for work. Slept till 10 plus and went to see doc. My doc gave me 2 days of medical leave and Med...

Took my lunch and Med. Watched tv. Took a nap.. And then everything started again... Really tired of this... Arguments quarrels shouting screaming crying.... Tired...

xxxxx

To: Myself

I will always be here for you... No matter what, I am still around for you.... No matter what I won't give you up.... Do not worry....
You must be independent.... Please take good care of yourself.....

From: ME

I took medical leave today. Doc gave me 2 days. Thinking if should go back to work Tmr. It's kinda Sian if I go back to work. But Sian also to stay at home..... Still deciding....

Taking both kinds of Med now.... Hoping my cough goes away soon.....

Actually I fear spreading the cough to my family members...... Really scared....

So I should go back to work Tmr..... In case they get it from me...... Hmm....

Expressing concern...... When I need it.
现在与过去有分别吗？

It's only been a week..... And everything's become so uncertain.... 难道我们只能做朋友？有缘无份？

Headache again..... Feeling weak.....

我不喜欢现在的这样。。。

被冷落的感觉回来了。。。

Are you feeling okay?

:-(
Not okay. Coughing. Sleepy. Hope I don't cough at night..... Haiz....

咳了一天，咳的好辛苦。。
And all he wants is to harp on his issue.... So who is selfish.... Who's pressure is the greatest.... Who has to face the pressure.... That's his only concern.

I am not happy at all.

感觉上我像是一个很没有用，没有成就，不会想的一个人。

Keeps coughing.... Find myself so noisy with my cough ....
Cough cough.... Feels feverish again ... Haiz...

Cough cough cough....
好辛苦。。。

I bought lo Mai kai for teabreak...
:-)

A person so bad till she has to change.

Suddenly feel so worthless....

我好像再也没有勇气去面对。。。

为什么？为什么？为什么？

External factors can cause a company to fail... Love cannot withstand external factors....

That will only mean the love's not strong enough..... If it's so easily jeopardise....

咳了一个晚上。。失眠了一个晚上。。
我好累啊。。。救命。。

不明白。。不想讲话了。

How to sleep........

Panadol again......
:-(

Cough cough cough...... Coughing......

我生病了。感冒了。在发冷。。。

Was having sore throat this morning.. But I think it's the rain this afternoon... I kenna rain when I was walking back to office from buying bubble tea... Serves me right... Bubble tea! 害死我了。。。。Sobs.....

Sore throat....

How's your day?

Today's the second day of my course. As the trainer was so good, felt a bit sad towards the end of the course...

Ate fish soup with rice again for lunch.
And my headaches recurred again in the afternoon... Seriously wondering what is wrong... :-(

Dinner was at home. Intended to sleep early but.... couldn't sleep....

I have a lot of things on my mind................

Expectations expectations expectations......

我有好多东西想做。。可是我好怕。

Headache headaches again!!!
Arghh!!!

How's your day?

Woke up at 6 plus.. Went to attend course at Expo. Had fish soup and rice for lunch. The trainer was good.. Went home at 5.

Felt super hungry on the way home. Rushed to eat dinner... Yet stomach ache after dinner... Lol...

×××××

The course is business writing skills. Learnt some grammar which I could pass on to Kemp.. The trainer is good.. Very interesting...
×××××

Being respectful and respectable... Being good mannered shows how your family brought you up..

××××××

我很怕。。。。

Happiness = Hopes = Expectations and Restrictions

I like it when I see his desire to see me. Feels appreciated...