he told me.. he had to go to the survey this weekend.

i was upset. i was disappointed. i just couldnt stand the thought of not talking to him at night, not hearing from him for 1 or more days.

he said i was his priority. he had thought of me first when he was asked to go. and if i said no, i would be putting him in a difficult position.

he wanted me to feel really comfortable first before he went ahead with booking the air tickets and everything else.

and so, it was only for my information.. it wasnt a question, asking for my yes or no.

*****

talking to him at night, is the only thing we can do. i really cherish the times where we talk at night. especially when i can see the effort put in by him. he logs on even if he is feeling tired, feeling sleepy or even about to doze off, just to talk to me. and sometimes, if i say i want to continue the chat, he would say that he go wash face, just to let me continue and he could stay awake.

and night time is the only time we could talk. and i dun like it when anyone or anything else were to snatch the only night time we have. unless its for work or studies, which are valid reasons.

but if its for play? i feel.. its not really valid. i feel, you choose to choose play and not me. makes me feel unimportant. makes me feel that ur friends are more important than me.


i dont like it when he goes out.. i dont like it when he leaves me alone.. i dont like it when he doesnt talk to me.. i dun like it when he sends me a cold sms..

is he right?.. is he loving somebody who had been faking herself so that they can be together to find out that she wasn't what she seem?..... or is he loving someone who restrict him to become another person?...

i admit.. i am pretty possessive in some sense.. and he's definitely some man who needs alot of freedom.

ic says.. he should be with me when i need him most.
if during other times he cant be with me, forgive him.

am i really forcing myself to do the things i dun like or accepting the things i dun like? and pretending that i could actually do it?
i dun wish to change myself for another person.. likewise, i dont wish another person to change for my sake.