i dunno the meaning of love. is love supposed to make one feel neglected?

if there was love, there would be a sms before he left, when he was there, when he came back.. or maybe his sms wont be that cold, freezing cold.

am i expecting too much again? am i demanding again?

i dunno what he can do to make me feel better. i dunno if i am greedy or he din do much.

i showed him all the attention, care & concern.. but who's going to show me the attention i need?

im also a woman.
i need attention, i need love, i need care and concern, in whatever forms...

i dunno if im worth anybody's attention, but i do need that.

can he like.. show me attention? can he like let me know that he does loves me very much?

u can be loving one day.. but can be as cold as ice the next day. i really hate to see your sms. cos your sms are always cold.
u fly me up to the sky one moment.. and dragged me down the next moment...

sometimes i wished.. we weren't in a rship.
if we weren't together, i wouldnt have expectations of him. he wont be obligated to meet my expectations. and then, i wont be upset cos he's not obligated. and he wont be upset too. and he can be a happy man he used to be.

how i miss e happy man.. how i used to envy this happy man in his happy town.
but the happy man has gone missing ever since he got together with me.

i need company. i need him by my side. he's not able to be by my side. but at least by talking to me at night?

i remembered.. i raised this topic with chris before..
he said to me "so.. what was life before me?"

hmm, so what was life for me before a guy came into my life? why is it that i had to be so dependent on the guy who enters my life?

he was telling me not to be independent on him.. to give him the life he wants, to give him the freedom he needs.. and he'll only find me when he wants to.
and that i need to have my own life too.. without him.

i feel that.. im always in a rship where i feel im giving alot, more than the other party. i give out my all to him and yet, i cannot feel his love for me. its like im trying to earn all his love, through all my stupid efforts. but earning one's love is 1 thing, whether or not the person truly loves me is another story.

i put in effort.. am willing to scarifice.. not knowing if it'll bring any good outcome, not knowing if it'll work out.

im tired. tired of loving people. tired of thinking if he loves me that much.