yes, i am feeling loved. i like his recent email. i was feeling super touched. but yet, i felt like laughing at his silliness. i really love it when i see him doing things for me which made him look silly.

BUt.. i am really scared of feeling happy. i am afraid that my happiness would be short-lived. i am scared of losing that happiness, that 幸福的感觉. i am afraid that when HE sees me happy, HE may just snatch it away from me..

******

i really have no self confidence. i really feel like giving up cos i cant give him the best of myself.

its not that i dun want to give him.. but its outside of my ability. its something which i cannot control....

i feel so helpless....