日月潭水社码头





桂日村 (Laurel Villa)



伊达召码头 (Ita Thao Pier)



玄光寺码头

高铁桃园站




逢甲观光夜市

woke up at 730. arranged to meet him for breakfast at 830. our last chance to chat together. yp reached my house at abt 9. she napped whilst i talked to him. her bf came to have breakfast with her and i had time alone with him again.

headed for the airport thereafter. i felt super tired. checked in and they did some duty-free shopping.

plane take-off was delayed. supposed to take off at 150, ended up, it took off at 3pm.

we finally reached taoyuan international airport! took bus to taoyuan HSR station. and we were on our way to taichung!

super busy at work. clearing my work before i go for my 1 week leave. GL told me at abt 5+ that my appraisal was to be done before i go. OMG! time was running out for me!

i had to go for my hair treatment on time and then home to talk to him. ok, appraisal was done with GL and max. and then, had a 2nd appraisal with GL alone. oh well, indeed, i felt more comfortable with GL.

went for my hair treatment. finished at 9. dad came to pick me up as well as to tabao dinner. had a quick bathe and chatted with him at night. we talked till 1am. ended up with him singing for me.

"to describe how much i love u...... i would say.... i care for u...more than the world.... i need u more... than u need to eat fried chicken wing/ shao rou/ pork knuckle/ jap food...... I love u.... i dunno for how long.... but i think longer than the time u take to count all the stars in the sky...."

its another day of disappointment.

things happen for a reason. probably to make us cherish each other more, miss each other more so that we would cherish the relationship more and also, to work harder at making the relationship work.

human beings usually dun cherish things that come easy their way.

so the harder we work for it, the more we will cherish it.

probably its a test we have to go through. if both survives, it will be a happy ending. if one of us gives up halfway, thats something that we fail..

有舍才有得。所以叫做舍得。
必须放弃才会有回报。

pms. in a super down mood.
:(

i am packing for taiwan! i will be on the plane next sat, this timing! hmm.. looking forward and yet not looking forward.

looking forward, yes, of course, who doesnt look forward to travel?
not looking forward because.. money issues and of course, not able to 'see' him and talk to him for a week...

mum asked me when he is coming back. i dunno what to answer her....

****

normal couples. if they meet every weekend. there are 52 weeks in a year. 52 x 2 (sat and sun) = 104 days. they meet 28% of the time in a year.

me and him. i try to go find him quarterly. each quarter, i can only spend 5 days with him. and my block leave is with him. (5 x 4) + (10 days block leave) = 30 days. we meet 8% of the time in a year.

reached spore abt 1am+. slept at abt 2am+. went to work the next day. i was tired. but elmo said i was looking bright and chirpy. that was before lunchtime.

he gave me one bad news during lunch. said that his mum not very supportive of him coming back spore.

super sad. i insisted on him coming back. he called me. i even suggested paying for the air tickets. no matter how exp, i still wan him to come back. i thought maybe there are still hopes of him coming back if i were to pay for it.

we chatted at night. his mum was still against the idea. her reasons, frankly speaking, i cannot accept it. yes its true we just met, yes the air tickets are exp and not worth it, yes there are chinese doctors in thailand too.

but.. how often does he have holidays? twice a year? are we supposed to only meet twice a year? or i must be the one everytime going over to find him? i am like squeezing all my leave, all my time just to grab that little time we have together. dun mind not having enough rest and blah..

even if i have the money to get the air tickets, he's not coming back just because his mum said so.

he doesnt want to go against her wish. i understand he's in a damn difficult position. i dunno how i should behave now. should i be nice and understanding? should i be mean? should i be harsh? should i be angry? should i just smash everything i see and throw my temper? i dunno.......

he likes to talk abt long term. if in future, his parents are not going to give us their blessings, then what will happen? will he do the same thing again? not go against their wish?

woke up in the morning. packed my bags. i borrowed one luggage bag from him. i thought i wouldnt buy things, but i still ended up with alot of things.

said goodbye. and we were on our way for some last minute shopping. went to grab my last serving of chicken wings for the trip. went to feed the fish again. and yes, said goodbye to the fishes...

and.. we were on our way to the airport. i thought we were early. but it wasnt that early afterall. i thought we had more time. but, there wasnt much time left afterall.

it was the 3rd time we bidded farewell at the airport. i din really cry. but the feeling of sadness was still there. and he said he will be back the following week.

***

this trip was good. first time i stayed at his house. first time i went to places near his house. he prepared breakfast for me. we prepared tuna bread together. he cooked maggi mee for me.

we ate with his parents, auntie doris and uncle ong.

seafood feast. had prawns, fish, curry crab, flower crabs, calamari. at some place abt 1 hr plus drive from his house. it was a beautiful place, eating place with seaview. the food was fantastic. super nice! all the seafood were fresh!

then we went to some place where supposedly we could see dolphins. pretty excited abt that. we reached but were informed that the possibility of seeing dolphins was only abt 20%.

but the place that we went to.. it was like a kampong area, surrounded by waters. it was some place i longed to be. quiet, peaceful, simple place. waking up in the surroundings of waters and sky.

then we went for massage. all of us. the same place we went to when i brought my parents first time overseas and to thailand. it reminded me of that. it reminded me of the first time we had dinner together, had massage together, how i only had probably half an hour of massage because of ah boy, how the lady washed my feet, how i complained to him that the water was hot but i couldnt communicate (and yes, he still remembered that, and reminded me to tell him if the water was hot) and the water was still hot...

went back home after massage. it was a long day with them. i was happy. i guessed he was happy too.

and.. our last night together.

his mum asked him to play golf the next day. exercise, she says. he said i could sleep in whilst he played golf.

i wasnt happy again. it will be like, a morning wasted. i'm like, he could play the last week, the next week. why must it be this week?

went to some park. i saw 'office of national buddhism'. it was some place where they could free fish into the waters. we went there. feeded the fish. we threw food and all the fishes would rush for the food. i felt like getting enough food for all the fishes in the waters.

then we went central world. watched sherlock homes. ate AKA. we bought the first class cinema tickets for the show. had a first class lounge where they served food and drinks.

he called his mum. told her that he's not going for the golf the next day. im happy on one hand. but on the other hand, i think if im the mum, i will surely feel unhappy abt it.

i know its not gonna set a good impression for me. but sorry. i din mean to be irritating. but time is very very precious to me.

aunt doris wanted to play golf. but i din want to. super reluctant to go for golf. i wasnt good. i din want to do something i wasnt good at. but i felt bad abt rejecting them, or not letting him to go. it was confusing. contradicting.

in e end, we din go. went to some pasar malam area. ate dinner and walked around. reached home early. i had diarrhoea. my guess was... the scallops!

anw.. diarrhoea. ate diarrhoea pills. rested early.

woke up. went to aunt doris's place for lunch. it was home cooked porridge plus KFC. the porridge tasted weird. cos of the rice. i managed to finish it. but i was being 'scolded' for eating slow. oh well.

then KFC. after the porridge, i was already full. but yet i had to eat the KFC. super duper full thereafter.

we went to chinatown to do shopping. to finish my to-do list. and helped to search for some hp battery. went to few places. went to some wholesale area near chinatown. ended up at some shopping centre where we watched avatar.

e movie was okay. went home thereafter.

he was supposed to have class tmr. but he skipped the class.

i'm leaving for BKK tonight! yeah! i am super happy!

i brought my luggage to work. handcarry luggage. heavy. worked the whole day. i was super tired at the end of the day. din really sleep the previous night.

and.. on my way to the airport! checked in. and went through the immigration.

sharks. my legs were aching. i was wearing heels. wearing office wear to meet him. i ate BK for dinner. and i went to the gate. another few more hours and i can hug him!

slept on the plane. wasn't a good sleep. i begin to recall how i was addicted to travelling on the plane. and now, i am getting tired of it. LOL.

the plane touched down. i quickly walked to the immigration. hoping that there wasnt any queue. i din want to waste time queuing. and yippee!! there wasnt any queue!

but.. i spent 20 minutes waiting for my luggage...
oh well. but all was over.. i met him. although i just met him in nov, but it was a long wait. long long wait.

he was tired too. sleepy. although i was sleepy too. but no, i had to keep awake to keep talking, to keep him awake.

i was a little hungry. he drove me to have pig organ's soup. and lucky me! it was still opened, although it was supposed to be closed at that timing....

yummy! i was full and happy. and we reached his house. it was quite late already. his parents were asleep.

and so.. i slept in his room. we were tired. we din bathe. and we slept.

good nite dear. very happy to be able to hug him to sleep.

i actually forgot jawpin's wedding date... i actually forgot! im so guilty.. and e date falls on the week that i am going BKK in april... OMG.. i feel so bad. so guilty. feels like calling the airline to change my travel dates.. but then, if i change the dates, its non holidays for him... arghh...

***

i have told myself.. to only wait until 10pm.
but then.......

i said 11pm.. then 11.30pm.

he's still not back yet.

yeah! Finally accomplished my cookies making tdy!!

I can follow my plan and bring some to him.. Yeah! Success! Although looks wise, ahem, not very good.. But i guess taste wise, it is still okay.. Hahaha!!

****

I wish sincerely.. Good health and great happiness for him... Really.
I dun mind giving up everything or anything for that.... *prays*

everything happens for a reason.

maybe He wants us to take care of our health, our diet right now. for a better future.

everything happens for a reason.

i pray... I pray really hard. For him.

If i have a choice, i rather i will be the one.. To take all his pain, to live with it... I would rather i am the one.

T__T

"You have self confidence but this confidence is not build on solid ground. which means that when someone says something, you are quick to loses it"

-- YP

my boy's started school.

i went to see him attend sch today. he waved a cute goodbye to me.
i was happy. suddenly i felt he has grown up. i rem how young he was.. and now he's tall and plump.

time flies. he is growing up.

my stomach's giving me problems.. again.

this friend of mine haven been visiting me.. and now she comes. giving me problems again..

he's back.
but we are not talking very well. im tired. he's tired too.

:(

i wonder.. if he has rec my bdae card..

i dunno how to describe what im feeling now.. But im not happy... I cried whilst sleeping..

i haven hear from him...

Im a lousy gf.. A lousy gf.. I dunno if he has safely reached home.. I dunno his whereabouts... I dunno anything...

Im a lousy gf...

i said to him.. U so busy.. I'm never gonna bother u again..

Maybe he's happy i said that.. Maybe he has been waiting for that from me...

waiting.. And waiting...

waiting.. Again..
Waiting for him to be online. Waiting for his calls.. Waiting for his sms... Waiting for him to finish sch and be free.. Waiting for his emails....

Its always Waiting

im sorry.. Call me unreasonable or what... I really need someone who puts me first place in everything he does....

although i know.. He wont sms me.. Wont call me also... But i am still foolishly holding on to my phone... Bringing my hp to everywhere i go....

I really feel stupid.... And i really feel alone... I feel that.... Its jus 一相情愿。。。

exactly how important am i to him?

He says i'm important.. But how come some of his actions show otherwise..?

I dunno how to define important.. Is my definition different? Is my definition high expectations?

I dunno.. Im confused.. Again.

maybe if one day he cant find me, cant contact me, he may not feel as worried as i felt yest... I find myself so stupid, feel so foolish, feel so worried and in e end i get shit again....

so not responsible.. Ya he's responsible to e entire world outside.. But is he responsible to me?

One word of busy and that gives him excuse not to contact me.. Is sparing tat few minutes of sms-ing me so difficult for him?

Managed to get him in e end.. Happy that he is safe... But pissed off when i hear his happy voice... Pissed off.... Happy angry, mixed feelings... And i cried again.

Couldnt sleep last night... I kept thinking...
:(

Maybe i cant understand how busy he is..
I dunno... Im tired of fighting for his time, his attention.. Other things just rank first... Me?
I Dunno where i rank....

And... I am really tired of it.

he din call or sms me today.. Dun he know that ppl get worried?

So... So... Selfish.. Doesnt he understand that ppl do get worried if he doesnt leave a sms or call.....

:(

happy new year.

its a new year. new begining. the year 2010. what does it hold for me.. what does it hold for us? what more challenges we have to face..? what kind of things would happen....

i realised.. its been a long time since we played mj. i cant even rem that last time we played.. and last year to genting, i only stepped into the casino for 1 time and i din even touch any of the games or machines. even my aunties, my dad found it surprising that i din gamble...

i found a big change in myself.

and is it because of anybody.. i am not sure.

i din countdown.. I slept early.. Yet i stupidly set alarm at 12am... To wake myself up and To send him e happy new year sms...