My head's feeling heavy the whole day....

Dunno is it because I am falling sick or is it because I didn't sleep laSt night... Let's hope its the latter...
I dun want to fall sick again!!!

Super sleepy....

I badly need my sleep now....

I promise....

I promise that if this time's increment is to my satisfaction.. I will take on the power supply bill from my dad.
My promise.

Retail Therapy and Chocolates... Helps.

Feeling unhappy yesterday.... And so I ate a bar of chocolates... And I could go off early yesterday... And so I went Orchard to look at my bags and wallet... It lifted my spirits... Because I found something I liked... Planning to buy it on Friday..

Didn't mean to call him and quarrel with him yesterday... But then we just had to had a very sick conversation....

And so... Now lack of sleep and super no mood.

Losing control.... And thus indulging myself in chocolates... Again.

Bought a bar of semi sweet chocolates from van houten today... And thats my lunch..
Yeah not too sweet.. But now stomach feels awful... Eeee.. Wondering if its the chocolates or too hungry...
=(

I guess I'll never forget....

I'll never be able to forget the 2 things that his dad said about me... About me not being courteous and polite in his house... And about me having a bad temper.. Well, I admit I am not a super PR person and in a way people may think that I am not very polite or courteous, whatever way you want to put it.. But I do not think that is a bad thing.. People who know me will know the real me and will like the real me.. I do not have to be PR in order to make people like me... As for bad temper.. I admit but to a certain extent. I do not think I am being unreasonable and there is always a reason when I get angry....

Anyway I am just sore that he did not speak up for me... Whether his parents are right or wrong about me, he should speak up for me.. In order for them to have a good impression of me.. But he didn't.

In any case.. Now I know his parents' impression of me. And its like a 心结 in my heart. Can't be taken out can't be forgotten.
And its great great pressure for me to see his parents again... For I can't turn into a super PR person or super friendly person overnight.. And I know that his parents see me as a ill tempered person...

Don't know how I should proceed from here... As for him.. As usual, he is still thinking for himself... Never thinking from my viewpoint. Never understanding how I feel. Its always him him and more himself...

Seafood buffet at Seafood International

Finally brought them to Seafood International today... After trying the buffet with colleagues last year, I had wanted to bring my parents there as well... Wanted to make a reservation for next week so that he could go also but it was fully reserved next week... So I brought forward this treat.

Well the food was okay.. But it was a bad day.. Started bad cos my mum said not to bring boy cycling after the lunch as it will be sunny and hot in the afternoon... But it is important for boy to have his exercise... And its been a long time since he exercised. I was insistent on the cycling but she was reluctant...

Boy throw temper during the lunch.. Not very willing to eat.. And couldn't sit long on the seat and keep asking to go cycle keep asking us to finish our food faster....

Went to cycle after lunch... But boy complained of hypo after a short while... Tested and it was indeed low. It was time for his afternoon nap too and he was getting cranky... And so we put him to sleep in my dad's van with his mum's company.. While we cycled for the remaining time..

Reached home after a long day.. And boy keep throwing temper.. Not sure if its lack of sleep, too tired, legs aching or what... He just refused to bathe refused to move refused to eat... Super cranky..

Anyway... Its a not so good day except for the red bean paste I had at Seafood International....

Gathering at JP's new house...

Today was gathering at JP's new house at Teban Gardens.... They had finally bought their new house and finish renovating... And so we decided to have steamboat at his new house... We met at JE and went to Sheng Shiong near JP's house... We bought all the food that we wanted to eat and headed to his house and prepared for the steamboat....

It was yummy... We had chicken broth and tomyam soup... And we ate for a few hours... Trying to finish all the food... We were all super full thereafter but somehow we still could make way for the dessert, ice cream!!!

Then we made our way to IMM where the guys did some shopping... Saw a white shirt that was quite pretty... Wanted to buy for him but the largest size couldn't fit him... So too bad I couldnt buy for him... We ate dessert at a new shop.. But the dessert wasn't that nice. JP drove me home thereafter...

Tired day but it was fun.. Enjoyed myself.

No ice cream for me...

Last 2 months was craving for chocolate.. But now is craving for ice cream... Had wanted to get ice cream for myself after I finished shopping... But after some careful and serious thoughts, I decided not to have it.. And so, no ice cream for me.

***
Suddenly I hate myself very much..... Have to think carefully over the food I eat.. Have to keep a food diary... Have to bother myself over my hair... Very fierce at times... Bad tempered person... Can't express myself well.... Can't control my emotions... A series of bad points....
Why would people want to bother themselves over me???

Losing control...

Today boy's average blood sugar reading has risen... Risen alot from the previous reading.
And I am damn upset now.. I thought he will show improvement.. After taking the chinese medicine.
But no... It has risen quite a fair bit...
Couldn't understand why.. I really need to control his food intake. =(

***

Losing control of my relationship..

Told him I Want to go travelling elsewhere. Ideal is to go travel to Taiwan with him = I am going travelling elsewhere with other friends... Not waiting for him to come back to Singapore..

Disliked the fact that he din speak up for me infront of his parents = I dun like his parents, maybe not even his relatives..

I told him I am really pantang over certain things... = I am not willing to tell him things...

When will our communications and interpretations be the same...?

***

Losing control of my own temper...

I am losing control of everything.... I dunno what to do now. Confused. When I thought everything was within my control, things turned out otherwise....
And Today I fared badly at something I am in full control.. Boy's reading..

How am I to proceed on....

We have some serious communication problems..

Fuck that woman.

Tmr is boy's annual welfare assessment... And that woman is meeting the social worker.
I have to pass her boy's school and additional classes' receipts.. Before I passed to her, she din even look for it or asked for it. Don't she know thAt such financial assessment is all about showing all your financial commitments??

Every assessment, I am afraid thAt she won't get the full subsidy.. Does she know that without the subsidy she has to fork out at least $300 every month for all the consumables?? ..... And she seems to be nonchalant about it.. And sometimes grumbling about the assessment... People are helping her.. People aren't obliged to help her. She should be thankful for all the help she is getting... But no... From the way I see it, she isn't thankful, takes it for granted.

I really regret telling my parents that I will pay for the additional classes of boy... In the hope of reducing her burden... Now I regret that action. I rather she pays for everything for her son and starves to death..

Wishlist...

Feels like going travelling To other places this year... My ideal would be to go back Taiwan with him...

But that will depend if he is coming back in Jun... If not I will have to find other people to go travel with me... Perhaps Hong Kong? Or some other places that I have never been to...

Still planning and thinking....

***
Suddenly wondering... Why did he not speak up for me when his dad talked bad about me? At least he could help me find some excuses... Maybe saying I am a shy person or saying that I am probably scared of his dad or other things like that... But he said nothing at all.
Can't really depend on him to defend me in front of his parents.... He scared of them? Mummy's boy? Or simply being filial by not talking back to them...? .....

Can't really imagine my life if we were to be together in future... Would I be controlled by his parents like he is now?
Oh no.... No, I cannot stand it... I am no longer controlled by my parents now... Why would I be so stupid to change my life and be controlled by his parents??? No no... Not going to let that happen to me.

A last minute thingy....

Suddenly just decided to go JB for dinner at about 4.... Just a last minute decision... Dunno why maybe just wanted to seek new things some new excitement....

So I prepared boy's things and bathed him... Called my mum and told her about it.. I thought she will be against it... But she sounded okay and she came back early from her RC activities...

And so it was rushed preparation and soon we were on the bus on our way... Ho ho... I was running a big risk as there may be crowds and traffic jams and I would delay boy's dinnertime... But hey it was okay... Reached about 6 plus and we had dinner at 7 and finished at 8... Did abit of shopping till 9 plus and we were on our way back home....

Though tiring for mum and boy... But I think they liked it... Oh well wanted to only tell my dad tmr... But he called us and we had to tell him we are in JB... Actually he din really liked the idea of bringing kemp to JB as he said would be dangerous... Anw I had to do it once to show him that actually its safe..... Hope I din scare him much today Haha...

Too much excitement until I can't sleep now.... =(

***
Been doing lots of retail therapy recently.... Spend spend spend.....

Scorpio Horoscope

"Your Scorpio nature is one that thrives on intensity of thought, creativity, sexuality, and emotion. Without adequate time alone in a space that is comfortable for you, you may begin to feel worn out. Such things as irritability or withdrawal can be strong indicators that it's high time you got some time to be alone with yourself."

Actually I care... Even though I said I don't care....

His dad said "Think for yourself.. Are you sure you can put up with her temper?"
He says " My dad is spot-on... Exactly what I am Thinking..."

Yes I throw temper easily.. Especially to things that I am concerned about or to people that I care about... To things or people that I dun bother, I dun even bother looking or listening to it and so I wont even throw temper at that...

Yes I am not able to control my blood rising up to my head very well, resulting in me flaring... Just like he can't control his blood flowing to his penis....

I can only try.... And I have to put myself in "bo chap" mode in order not to lose temper easily.....

***
My menses finally came... After torturing me for some time.... And it was painful today... Although it hurts everytime it comes visiting, but I still think its normal to have menses every month and when it comes every month, it shows I am normal and not abnormal or suffering from other diseases....

***
And I am sorry for not calling him this morning...

Human beings are indeed.... Selfish

Everything's about himself again....
"Would I be happy with her?". "Would I have to put up with her all my life?"
"Would I be happy?"

Nothing's about "Would she be happy with me?"......

***
My chilli ham has gone sour.... I have eaten that today... And my stomach's making noise now..
I have to throw that away...

Starting of the year and.....

I am pissed off with my leave cover..... Took leave... Took MC when I also want to... And now... Took my paper bags away for packing ang pows.... Arghh... Irritated with her... Just happy this morning that I could finally get rid of the big boxes that stores the packets of ang pows behind me... And she has to irritate me like this...

But stupid me... I should have told her those paper bags are for my use and there isn't any extra bags... Arghh... Stupid me!

Only makes me think he's being defensive all over again...

Life's been miserable for him without me.. Came to me not because he knows what was wrong then.. Came to me cos life's been miserable for him...

...... I know his concern for me but I really need him to know what was wrong then.. I really din like his way of handling things. And his full of reasons/excuses when things happen.... I don't really fancy the whole process... I can do without that... And that is absolutely no way to test out one's feelings.

My dad tried to cook the brinjour dish I told him about yesterday But it was a failure... Luckily the brinjour was fresh and good... It tasted nice afterall but wasnt the one I exactly wanted...

The dish I tried at Thailand was brinjour stir fried with deep fried salted fish... The salted fish was deep fried till crispy until you dun even know its salted fish... And so that was the nice dish I tried in one of Thailand's seafood restaurant... Come to think of it.. Yummy...

I used to not eat brinjour until I tried this dish....

Forget to bring my bread today.. Again.
Wasted my bread and ham again... =(

Its only the 2nd week of work and I am getting tired of the work already...

The aircon in the office is getting stronger and I keep having runny nose in the office... Sian.

Wonder what will Louise say when she sees me on Thurs and my menses haven arrived... Sian.

I may have to fork out all the money needed for CNY.. Including the food clothes and changing new notes.. Sian.

I may need to pay for all tuition classes of Kemp.. It may be too heavy a burden on my sister... Sian.

What has the new year got for me..? Really dun wan to know.... =(

Something's wrong with my body... But I can't figure out what's wrong....

I am feeling sick... And now more sick than ever.. NobOdy has to bear any resPonsibility.. We should celebrate.. Hopefully.

But that means something else is Very wrong with my body....

***

He is only concerned about how much he is being criticised..
I think I know what I want and need now.. If I can live through the bad days myself, then no problem about the good days... Things would be different after this.
There won't be any more promises that I will force him to make. No more asking him to hug me when I cry.

HaVing running nose now... Hope it recovers when I am out of the office...
Damn... Really hate to take medicine.... Makes everyday bad hair day... Haiz =(

I see him hanging up on my phone when we are talking about serious matters.. He refusing to take my call when I called him back after he hanged up on my phone...

I see his email to me asking about my sore throat, saying he's sorry for his behaviour and that he cant do alot of things, he's feeling lonely and upset and he needs me...

I see his blog and he said he was alone yesterday.. Went out alone did things alone... I see that he emphasized on being alone...

***
Should it be like that...?

***
I thought he would understand my frustration, anxiety now.
I thought he should and would be able to put up with my bad temper now.
I thought he would be sorry for his actions and things he said to me in Nov last year. I had to give in before he could and can take back things he said...
I thought my feelings would be his priority now.. Am I feeling better? Am I not in the mood for talk? Before he goes on and on about how lonely he feels, how alone is he and blah...

But no......
He hung up on me... Emailed me cos he couldnt do his things, needed me to talk to him...
His blog was about he being alone and alone and alone.... Nothing abt how I am feeling...

***
Anyway human beings are all selfish... I am selfish in the first place by telling him that I have would be going for that one solution no matter what he says... I am thinking for myself only... And probably he is thinking for himself only too....

Koh Chang 26 Dec 2010 to 29 Dec 2010

At the Jetty








Tropical Beach Resort








The Beach...

Pattaya 24 Dec 2010 to 26 Dec 2010

Nova Gold Hotel






Coral Island








Tiffany's Show (some of the "pretty" ones)

Khao Yai 22 Dec 2010 to 24 Dec 2010

Life Park in Khao Yai






Hot Air Balloon at Life Park






Me at the "Flying Fox" at Life Park




Steak Inn - a place we had steak




Sunflower Field at Lop Buri








Vila Paradis Hotel

Its been a tiring day... Yeah I went for dim sum... But not much mood nor appetite for food... But I think my parents liked the food....
And then it was spring cleaning of shoes cabinet and wardrobe... It all ended only now.... Its 10 plus... I finally get to rest....

And I din hear from him today.... Seriously is this how it should be? I dunno how I should feel now... I am not angry... Should I feel disappointed? Should I be angry? Should I continue to scold him? But I am tired... Tired of telling him what is the focus, the main points of a situation and blah...

In any case.... He's probably avoiding the whole thing.... And he was the one who hanged up my phone twice and missed my call once yesterday..... So be it.

My sore throat has turned into itchy throat now... Coughs.

He should be with me during this period.. He should put up with my however bad temper now...
But he din.. We quarrelled yesterday. He even hang up on me twice...

How reliable.. How responsible.

Sick and yet can't take MC..

Another colleague had asked me to cover her today.. Ok, I agreed then... Was already feeling sick yesterday wanted to take MC today but nobody was available to cover her... So no choice.... I had to come in today....

Who know... My leave cover sms me in the morning she'll be taking MC today.... "/@/&;&;$;&:@/"-@$!!!!

And she replied "I only have 1 outstanding matter" when I told her I was covering another colleague... !!!!!!!!
I nearly wanted to reply her "U better drag yourself to work to finish your 1 outstanding matter cos I am also dragging myself to work and covering another colleague despite the fact that I am sick too!!"

....... Irritated.....
Ok well, she had covered me for 2 whole weeks... But come on, be fair... Both of us have 26 days of annual leave... We have our fair share of covering right??

I am really scared of responsibility now.... Scared of burden....

I just want to enjoy my life now.. Working slacking and travelling to new places.... Earn money And spend... Be happy....

Thats all I want now...
Not a new family new life new rules new responsibility new burden.... No no.

:S

Feeling so sian now.... Having the same scared feeling over and again...

I really hate it... Hate to give in then.. Should have kept my stand then...

=(

I may be doing something very wrong at work...
Haiz... Kinda disappointed with myself....

Need to do rectification now.... Hopefully it wont affect anything....

IBG Recognition Award

"Dear Sok Yee,

Congratulations on your achievement of receiving the IBG Recognition Award! You will be getting a cash award of $200 which will be credited into the January payroll."


Yeay!!! I got extra $200 this month.. For attending a 5-day workshop that starts from 8.30am to 6pm and serves free lunch and teabreak.. Hahahha!!

=)